After receiving your letter in May, I sadly accepted our brief time in the States was the beginning, and end, of a “great romance”.
I had no interest in being the “other man”, I wanted a loving and permanent relationship I could share with the kids and my life generally.
You were back in Sydney in July 1994 for the summer break from College, and we planned to meet for a coffee and catch up.
I went to meet you with no expectation, this would be no more than a casual chat, but it developed into much more than that.
There is no rhyme or reason to love and longing, and over the next month we would see each other, at least a couple of times per week.
There were times when I dreamed of something more, but at this stage; it was just a very pleasant, tangled web.
Your relationship with Bill was drawing to a close, but there were many entanglements and as much as I wanted something more, I knew this was probably not going to happen any time soon, if ever.
In hindsight, an affair was the last thing I needed, given everything else that was happening in my life at that time. But I think, we both decided to live for the moment and let the future take care of itself.
The times we had, were close and loving, I would not swap them. We would meet for dinner and spend the night together. Afterwards, I would send you on your way and go back to bed with a warm heart but also a deep sense of longing that it could not be more.
This time with you, opened a window into a future as a gay man with children, a career and a loving partner.
You came to our annual awards night in time to catch my speech. Afterwards, we mingled with the gay friendly crews from Annandale and Glebe offices. You held your own with Chris; no mean feat, given his protective attitude towards me.
Chris had always been someone I looked up to. An openly proud, gay man running a very good business. He did not suffer fools and his urbane manner sheathed a sharp business mind.
As one of our leading Sydney franchisees, Chris and I had become very close, his support during my prolonged coming out, had helped me through some dark times.
Jassy and I spent an afternoon with you at Warringah Oval, watching your beloved Manly play. The real thrill for me, was seeing you laugh and talk with my sharp and protective eldest daughter.
Whether you and I ever could have had a future, I really don’t know, but the times we spent together in July 1994, showed me glimpses of a life, I desperately wanted.
An equal man, living a normal, successful business and family life.
My drive for honesty and openness in all facets of my life, was inflamed in the short, but passionate time we spent together.
For this, I will be forever grateful.