A tough call

 

Darling Kayla

Robert Burns said it better than I ever could

The best laid schemes of mice and men
Go often askew,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!

I think it was 1995 and you were visiting Melbourne for your holidays, I don’t know how much you knew of the mess I was making of the business at this time, but I was determined to make sure our time together was as good as I could make it.

Mum and I had decided long ago, that each of the girls would be told about their Gay father when they were around sixteen. As Burns said, good plans sometimes do not go to plan and what we had not considered, was the bigger gap in age between you and Annie. This meant your sisters, Mum and I sometimes felt like we were involved in a great conspiracy.

It was not like that at all, but it soon became clear, I would need to tell you sooner than any of us would have preferred.

You had left many of your friends behind when started High School and we knew it was hard for you, settling into a private school where social standing in suburbia could at times make “The Real Housewives of Beverley Hills” look like a Sunday school gathering.

“Kayla I am gay” this was hardly an original line, but you were far too clever to put up with my usual waffle.

You were a young girl torn between your need for social conformity and the love of your father, and over the next few years my sexuality would cause a deal of friction between the two of us.

I was insensitive enough not to have anticipated this and I did not take your resistance as well as I should have.

I am deeply sorry for that.

I am not sorry I told you; that needed to be done. I am sorry I felt I had to tell you before you were ready and I am very sorry for my lack of sensitivity to your turmoil.

We were to have some tough times over the next few years, but the love we have for each other has never waned, the hard times have been interspersed with moments of pure joy..

A letter like this, cannot do justice to the pain we have both felt at times, but; this pain forged an honesty which has passed the toughest of tests.

Love ya heaps

Dad

 

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